(untitled II)

Sit right down, no don't get up,
Just lay there like a hump.
Too much effort it is to stand and jump,
Your talents are lost now to this dump.

Left this world to hide away,
Hidden from view is where you'll stay.
Joy and cleansing you will feign,
Here forever you will lay.

Old and forgotten days fill your mind,
Memories of good times you'll never find.
Waste away here till the end of time,
Wallowing in your filth like common swine.

There's no joy left in this life,
Appear so alone in your mind's strife.
Too lazy to use at the end this knife,
Too weak to tell your loving wife.

Here you sit to stop the pain,
But Hell will bring it all the same.
Unless you fix and straighten like a frame,
You'll be all there is to blame.

In Remembrance

            How can you miss someone you’ve never met? In my personal experience, just as much as someone you have known your entire life and has just recently passed away. This is something that has been plaguing me the last couple of days, spontaneous moments of utter sadness at the memory of my grandfather I never met. Did he abandon us? No. Did he avoid us? Never. Did he pass away before his time? Unfortunately, yes.

            My grandfather, Simon (Sammy), passed away in 1980 at the age of 55, my oldest brother, and my grandfathers first grandchild, was born in 1981. Needless to say, none of his own grandchildren were fortunate enough to have met him, even in our infancy. We had always been told, especially during our childhood, that he would have been such an amazing grandfather to us. Mainly how he would have spoiled us rotten, but each time we were told this it was always followed by, ‘He would have loved you guys so much’, ‘He would have been so proud of you guys’, ‘It’s unfair’, ‘It’s too bad’, or ‘You kids got robbed/cheated’. When we were told this, it was all just words, we couldn’t connect any of what was being said to any actual person so all-in-all it didn’t really affect us, but it’s those little follow-up phrases up there that are what really stuck to me in particular (I can’t really speak for the rest of my family).

            The truth is, we did get robbed, we did get cheated, and we straight up got screwed over! Constantly hearing and seeing other kids, either in person or on TV, talking about their 2 grandfathers saddens and angers me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand some people have it a lot worse (i.e. No grandparents, no parents, no extended family, the list can literally go on for great lengths) and furthermore, I was very fortunate to of had my other grandpa, Maurice, of which I miss greatly and dearly. But I’m talking about someone you’ve never actually met and I knew my Grandpa Maurice for 21 years.

The thing is we were told we missed out on meeting an extraordinary person that we were descended from. Should our parents not have told us? No, to think that is to be grossly misguided. Should we be angry at the people who have been fortunate enough to have been able to know their entire family? No, that’s just plain impractical. Should we be mad at Grandpa Sam, who passed away too soon? No, that’s just fucking retarded.

            That’s the thing, there’s all this anger there, whether we are aware of it or not, but there is no logical place to direct it that isn’t misguided, impractical, or fucking retarded. So what is one to do with it? Well I’ve always said (not sure if I’ve shared it with people, but I’ve always thought it) there is a fine line between anger and depression. All that makes up that fine line is a logical target for your anger. Without that target your anger turns to depression, a sadness that you can’t control.

            Adding to that is a want and a need to know where my family comes from, what roles they played in history, where they were and how involved were they with some of the greatest moments in history. This is a drive that has been ignited in me since I started reading historical fictions a few years ago. It’s hard to get wrapped up in a story based so far in the past and not stop to think, ‘Where and what was my family doing at this time?’

            You see, my Grandpa Sam was pretty much the last extremely-readily available resource for information regarding at least a glimpse in to the beginnings of that for the Habetler name. Without him the search is more difficult. It’s always sad when someone passes especially when you knew them so well and close. I’m here to say, it’s just as hard to have never met someone you are so connected to and have so much to ask, but want to meet them and talk to them more than anything. So don’t take advantage of those important and close in your life, some people would kill to have what you may have.

(untitled I)

(This one is the beginning of a series of poems I'm doing. It's 7 poems in total - at least that's what I have planned, I could possible add 1 or 2 more -  and for the time being all of the poems in this series will be titled (untitled XX). The name is within the poem and once someone correctly guesses the name and eventually the theme of this series I will have a prize for the first person to guess both correctly.)

Lascivious women masquerade,
Tempting all to this day.
Lure you in to make you stay,
Biding their time till you obey.

Undying desire for the body of them,
It's all you think of till the end.
Can't escape your troubled mind or make it bend,
You've allowed to happen what the intend.

Sealed your fate, it's as good as signed,
And to think, you didn't have to spend a dime.
Your thoughts consumed all this time,
By what you thought was very fine.

There is no time to make amends,
For you've lived a life you can't defend.
It's all so simple in the end,
A woman's body controls the mind of men.

The Castle in the Clouds - Adrienne Allmen

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making my world more bearable for me

Up and down the vicious ride went
Down so low into the muddy trench
Below the ground I kept going

I dug myself a hole
I buried my self in
Made it a home
Where I rested

Desperately I am searching
Continuously perching
On a branch too low to see
Through this forest; beyond these trees

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making my world more bearable for me

The mountains are in the distance
They hold truth of my existence
Melodic antiphons they whisper

Up off my perch
I hit the ground, cold

I dig myself a hole
I bury my self in
Make it a home
Where I rest

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making the world more bearable for me

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Cold Dead World

(This one is back to more of my regular writing style, however the one main difference between this and most of my other works is that this has verse, chorus, verse type of structure to it. This is the first time I've tried it. I'm quite proud of it, but I'd really like to hear how you all think I did with it)

I am but a spectre,
A ghost,
A shell of a man,
No life of my own.
I have no say in where I go,
I have no thought of what I do,
Just go about my days,
According to what others say.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.

Even though I'll do what others will ask,
I'll always find time to fill my flask.
Always there to numb the pain,
Have just enough and it will keep me tame,
Add a little more and it warms the soul,
Just like a hearth burning through coal.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.

Push all others in my life away,
Just to save them from feeling my pain.
Intended to help them heal and mend,
It causes more hurt to them instead.
Lash back out at me, they don't understand,
My mouth and mind cannot obey their demands.
All that knows this way that I feel,
Are this book, this cigarette, and this whiskey that burns.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.