In Remembrance

            How can you miss someone you’ve never met? In my personal experience, just as much as someone you have known your entire life and has just recently passed away. This is something that has been plaguing me the last couple of days, spontaneous moments of utter sadness at the memory of my grandfather I never met. Did he abandon us? No. Did he avoid us? Never. Did he pass away before his time? Unfortunately, yes.

            My grandfather, Simon (Sammy), passed away in 1980 at the age of 55, my oldest brother, and my grandfathers first grandchild, was born in 1981. Needless to say, none of his own grandchildren were fortunate enough to have met him, even in our infancy. We had always been told, especially during our childhood, that he would have been such an amazing grandfather to us. Mainly how he would have spoiled us rotten, but each time we were told this it was always followed by, ‘He would have loved you guys so much’, ‘He would have been so proud of you guys’, ‘It’s unfair’, ‘It’s too bad’, or ‘You kids got robbed/cheated’. When we were told this, it was all just words, we couldn’t connect any of what was being said to any actual person so all-in-all it didn’t really affect us, but it’s those little follow-up phrases up there that are what really stuck to me in particular (I can’t really speak for the rest of my family).

            The truth is, we did get robbed, we did get cheated, and we straight up got screwed over! Constantly hearing and seeing other kids, either in person or on TV, talking about their 2 grandfathers saddens and angers me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand some people have it a lot worse (i.e. No grandparents, no parents, no extended family, the list can literally go on for great lengths) and furthermore, I was very fortunate to of had my other grandpa, Maurice, of which I miss greatly and dearly. But I’m talking about someone you’ve never actually met and I knew my Grandpa Maurice for 21 years.

The thing is we were told we missed out on meeting an extraordinary person that we were descended from. Should our parents not have told us? No, to think that is to be grossly misguided. Should we be angry at the people who have been fortunate enough to have been able to know their entire family? No, that’s just plain impractical. Should we be mad at Grandpa Sam, who passed away too soon? No, that’s just fucking retarded.

            That’s the thing, there’s all this anger there, whether we are aware of it or not, but there is no logical place to direct it that isn’t misguided, impractical, or fucking retarded. So what is one to do with it? Well I’ve always said (not sure if I’ve shared it with people, but I’ve always thought it) there is a fine line between anger and depression. All that makes up that fine line is a logical target for your anger. Without that target your anger turns to depression, a sadness that you can’t control.

            Adding to that is a want and a need to know where my family comes from, what roles they played in history, where they were and how involved were they with some of the greatest moments in history. This is a drive that has been ignited in me since I started reading historical fictions a few years ago. It’s hard to get wrapped up in a story based so far in the past and not stop to think, ‘Where and what was my family doing at this time?’

            You see, my Grandpa Sam was pretty much the last extremely-readily available resource for information regarding at least a glimpse in to the beginnings of that for the Habetler name. Without him the search is more difficult. It’s always sad when someone passes especially when you knew them so well and close. I’m here to say, it’s just as hard to have never met someone you are so connected to and have so much to ask, but want to meet them and talk to them more than anything. So don’t take advantage of those important and close in your life, some people would kill to have what you may have.