My Friend - Adrienne Allmen

Complicated companion
Always on the run
Up for good times, fast times, dirty times and fun

Pleasure child of the stars and from the Sun
With your hands pressed together tight and the shadow of the one
Behind you, though it reminds you, of the days of the past, relapse and collapse
Needn’t forget the discoveries on the way, and all the rules disobeyed
(making this day the newest wonder of Gaia)

Peaceful pleasant wanderer of the world
Child of children
Boy of girl
Be what you are, and do as you may
The Sun shall always shine on your face this way

And turn as you will from the negative strains
The drones and the banes and the monsoon rains
Be as it may, I am forever yours
Forever the one who wonders of your ever mores
Of that what makes you tick and all that are
What pleasures put in your eyes the stars
Who else will see the magic within you?
The pleasure you stew, the moments you produce?

Who will be there when the laughs are rolling, tumbling from our bodies
As if a hobby of every day life
(the truest of ways we know how to block the starkness of life)

Be as you are because what I need is you
Be with me child ‘til the dawn bestows dew
Wonders will chase us ‘round the garden again
To Home, as it be
Living hand within hand

For you are a complicated companion, but you are my Friend.

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Ocean Mist, Lust, and You - Adrienne Allmen

My lust for you is oceans deep
In a sea of kelp and weeds unkept
Depth, depth, depth
In a sea deep where sands sleep

Devotion swirling, whirling
The ocean mess is swept
Up from the bottom tumbling
Up heaving the sleeping sands
Tis why I wept

For it was a foggy water mess!
In a sea of kelp and weeds unkept
In the many nauticle miles of depth
A nauticle mile or more, none less

Devotion is my potion
I kept in the nautilus shell
Under ocean swells
And hidden from all foolish notions

For this, I knew well
Was my devotion
To give to whom I motion
For with whom my heart wishes to dwell

And this is why my lust is oceans deep
Its been a secret, although hard to keep
For miles and miles in waters deep
In foggy waters concealing the heap

Of passion I wish to give
Of devotion to you by which I want to live
Of clarity and prosperity
A love pairing of rarity

Beautiful and as rare
As two pearls in a single shell
Brought to shore on an ocean swell
To be opened with tender care

By two who did dare
To open their fervor onto the world
Hide not, and lust deep
In an ocean world a mess unkept
Together for better, in each other’s keep

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Gods Among Men

    Again, this is a poem I did in the 'Verse, Chorus, Verse, etc.' structure. What I really enjoy about this one is that, not only is the structure similar to another art form (music), but the verses themselves each refer to different types of art. I thought it would be an interesting way to tie them all together using one form.

Pluck a string

Strike a chord

Make us dance

Make us sing

Bend us all to your will

Listening closely to your song of lies

We are all gods in our own right

Making changes to our worlds

Maybe no one else will see

No one else may notice

But in the end we are each all powerful

And we make ourselves who we know we are

Inside

Exit right

Exit left

Take center stage

Take the spotlight

Play the hero this one time

You're still the villain to our lives

We are all gods in our own right

Making changes to our worlds

Maybe no one else will see

No one else may notice

But in the end we are each all powerful

And we make ourselves who we know we are

Inside

Turn a phrase

Write a line

Tell a story

Just paraphrase

Paint a landscape just with words

Reveal a history of your own

We are all gods in our own right

Making changes to our worlds

Maybe no one else will see

No one else may notice

But in the end we are each all powerful

And we make ourselves who we know we are

Inside

Draw a line

Paint a scene

Make a landscape

Make a world

Show everyone what you see

Share your world with all around

We are all gods in our own right

Making changes to our worlds

Maybe no one else will see

No one else may notice

But in the end we are each all powerful

And we make ourselves who we know we are

Inside

Jail Cell Escape Artist - Adrienne Allmen

Back to my jail cell where my heart’s locked away
Peril faces me square with juxtaposed judgment eyes
Cunning conqueror to underworld manipulations, lies
Feeding poison to my already ill-heart, attempts to induce my demise

Bars so thick and tightly linked, no meager hand of mine could bend
Shut in, taken hostage of, in-part self inflicted, “I got myself into this”
My vision is cleared but was it little to late?
My heart and intuition tell me this is not my fate

I can leave, get free, live without these ties
The feelings of dissatisfaction, DISGUST
DISGRACE provoking a lack of faith
Lending myself to despair needing an escape!

Watching witnesses to heart-aches, disappointments of love and life
Struggle, pain, hypothermia, prostitution, drugs, alcoholism, parental misery
Love: with the slogan “hazardous materials handled here”
Volatile hearts, aches, breaks, awakenings, piercing truths and false-hoods
Combined in a mucus-based pleasantry, appetizer to love

Lingering welcomings, cumings, and re-runnings
Playing in heads while waiting to fall asleep in bed
Day-dreaming of a reincarnation, re-birth, a happiness sea
Pleasant sunshine beaming through holes in the tree’s canopy

Drug dealers, pushers, user, wannabes, sex with exhibitionism
Alcohol, wonder-wall, sea wall, wondering stars
Dimmed smiles, hugs, tongues, hands lending their way to the wise
The one searching for a home, lingering in back alleys on never ending travels

Whispers of faith, spirituality humanity helping one another
Creating hope, love circles, support, tears of happiness
Opening the mind to the possibility of compassion
Reactions to the beauty in the dire, desperate destinations we find ragged bodies in

Lifted spirits, reminded souls of goodness, re-born, re-awoke
Methods of mending, lending, sharing, communities provoked
To take-part, be, settle in peace, breathe, relax, happen, smile
Centre-folds of held hands, mission ties to far off lands
And in-country bans to violence, silence, and volatile ignorance

Paving ways; the poor to rich, rich to poor understand the need to insure
Balances, respect, societal needs met, safety nets and knowledge
Providing power to the ones who do not explore, who keep walls up
Who starve curiosity, stick with a philosophy that hinders the spirit to fly
Move above and beyond our domestic lives

Hope set free
Belief, over take me!
A faith un-ruined, a love burned in
Gates to enter as one life helps another begin

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Art

    I was going to use this post as a kind of launchpad for one of the ways I want to expand this blog: visual art. As much as I started this in the interest of poetry and to get my poetry out there and read by people other than myself, I also always wanted to expand this blog to more about the arts in general: poetry, short-stories, creative writing, drawings, paintings, music, etc. It was my intention to post some of my own drawings but as I was going through my sketch book I realized, "I suck at drawing!". So having decided to scrap the idea of putting my own drawings on here I decided to use this post as more of an advertisement to ask that anyone would like to have their drawings or paintings posted on here (with full credit going to you...of course) email me at: guitarist06@msn.com. The same goes with anyone who wants to have their poetry, creative writing, or whatever posted on here.

    On somewhat of a side note, I was also thinking about having reviews done on here. For books, CD's, concerts, movies. You name it. I think it would be a great way to bring things full-circle in a way, by not just presenting it but by also appreciating and critiquing. For any and all inquiries, be them about any of the above or anything else, just use the email address above.

    Also, the next update about our move will be done up shortly and on here in the next couple of days.

Moving Update

    So here I sit in MY (read: our) living room with a nice cold glass of beer watching TV and about to complete two complete weeks of living in my first place (again, read: our).Not only have the last two weeks been quite hectic filled with good times, bad times, and in between times but so was the time leading up to this move. I had posted awhile ago saying that I was wanting to do some updates centering around this experience, so here we go.

    For those who may not be aware, I'm 23 and engaged to my girlfriend of three-and-a-half years and up until July 30, 2011 we lived at our respective parents homes. On that day we moved into the townhouse we bought, the first time either of us had moved out of our parents homes. This is a very new, uncharted, exciting territory for us both but by staying beside each other we have been able to stay happy and strong through the difficult moments. Was that a little too sappy and cliche? I thought so. I apologize and hope you can forgive me, but onwards now.

    I think I'll start with some of the trials and tribulations that occurred before we moved in. About 4 days before we took possession we went into our notary public to sign the final papers for all the transfers of title and the like. Near the end we were informed that the strata we were moving into had no building insurance and that there had been no insurance on the building for roughly 7 months. To make matters worse the paperwork that the strata provided our notary stated that the strata was broke. We were given a choice, if the strata didn't get building insurance within 24 hours we could walk away from the deal, no harm, no foul. However, if they got building insurance within that time period we were hooked and there was no out.

    As the deadline for them getting insurance drew closer we became increasingly confused as to what we should do if they weren't able to get any. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you want to look at this entire situation, they got the insurance but they were only able to afford 2 months worth. Which made the decision making process a lot easier to make but also made us a little uneasy. What's going to happen after 2 months when the insurance is up, will they be able to afford more? Will they even care since they had already gone 7 months without? What if they don't get any and then the place burns down, me and my fiance will be stuck paying a mortgage on a pile of ashes for the next 30 years.

    Day by day we started to ease down a little bit and decide to focus on the move and to get settled in and that in the grand scheme of things we did have 2 whole months to try and get this all turned around and running well, not just for us, but for the entire strata.

    This wound up being a little bit longer than anticipated and I have a little bit to do around the house. I'll have to pick this up from moving day next time. Also I've been working on a couple of poems, I should hopefully be able to start getting back into the swing of things for the poetry updates sooner than I originally anticipated.

Bombardment - Adrienne Allmen

Incestuous flies
Leading to our demise
Diseased creatures
Brains rotting…
-
Hoards pleading to their preacher
To be their teacher – the one to guide
But no one hears, so fall prey to your fears
As Doomsday draws nearer

When all creatures – beasts and man
Fall before old Earth’s command
For we are mere pawns placed in her hands
Set free for a while and in turn we defile
The very gift of life itself;
Respect for nature’s bountiful wealth.

Instead turn it gray, make mess where it hurts
Burn up the sands, dig up the dirt
Put rivers where we want
For them only to flood and kill
Destroy the life giving water
The only allowance for this moment of thrill

Lest we forget?
Where do we begin?
The progression of movement
Must grant us a win.

Mass production, mass produced
Carbon filled and cancer induced
Diseases prevail, humanity and humility deprave

Tampering our climate, tempting Mother Nature to kill
Mass murderous monsoons and man’s oil spills
Bloodying the water for miles around
Great Gulf and sea shore gone, only crude oil to be found.

Millions killed, now millions starve
While rich men laugh sitting high on the barge

Television telling and teaching us young
“Forget about that toy, now this one’s more fun!”
“Buy this and you must get that”
All the while five year old children are obesely FAT!

Who is this Rat feeding us this poison?
It’s sinking into us to perpetuate this notion
But forget that noise! Forget that pill!
What we need is none of that frivolous frill

My God! What have we become?
First humping like rampant buns
Then “off with their heads” with the automatic guns

What celebration?
We’re all just in a state of anticipation
For our next big thrill
Our next paycheck to then pay our bills
For those things we want, “need” and “must have”
Cluttering up our lives with copious amounts
Of gadgets, gismos and do-dads

Where, for the sake of our spirits, our species and our health,
Has gone the knowledge and wisdom of money being no part of wealth?

My soul is in shambles because of the chaotic parade
And I quite wish to break-free from this demon’s brigade.

Landfills are filling up as each day goes by
Truck loads to the east, west, north and southern skies
Every day the same as before, alarm will sound
And off to work we zombies abound

And what do we accomplish as each day passes?
What do we gain from this hap-hazardous notion of life?
This world of unapologetic strife?
The world stabbing us in the back with a cerated knife.

When we pushed through the womb and entered this world
Did we go in thinking it would be as good as this glass bowl
Filled with rotten cherries and maggots making holes
In over-exposed fruit, decaying the drupe?

Did we know it would be an experience of hate and crime?
Of love loss and loneliness combined?
One minute of love exploding through our pores
Next a sorrowful heart begging “no more!"

Broken down people walking the streets
Facing the day with a constant sense of defeat
Looming over their heads even when they smile
For they know its just time before it all turns vile

Pleading to end this charade we had no choice of believing in
As children the realities of the harshness hadn’t set in
Or maybe it had for those unfortunate ones
That were handed the truth from very day one

I hear stories and fables and ancient folk lore
Of the once broken-down spirits amongst the poorest of poor
Not growing richer by the cash that they store,
But rather by the goodness they create and inpour

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

When Compassion Turns to Lost Hope: Drug-Addict Jig - Adrienne Allmen

 You won’t believe me even if I state it loud
Why I think this non-sense is a concealing shroud
To your pains of the past, your multiple relapse
You insist I am wrong, yet I feel I am not
Not an ounce do I feel I am wrong.

The way you appear, I am supposed to keep my thoughts clear
And expecting the same from ours peers?
This is weird.

I am the wrongful one judging and blaming you?
I am the one who should see your goodness through
Your tired eyes, your breaking voice
Your talk in rhyme, your staggered course?
What is worse?

I am viewed as the fault, the enemy and deceit
Along with all other people, how could this be?
That all of us don’t care, and stare
At you in disgrace
But just look at your face!
It reads like a book
I wouldn’t be surprised if people retreated if you put your hand out to be shook
But somehow we are the ones that do not view you for what you are worth

…Its you against the world.

You have been awake for days
Using drugs as a way to fade
Pains and fears which have plagued you for years,
But still this is not clear to your ears?

How could it be that we are all wrong?
Is it denial singing in your head a pretty song?
You are such a wonderful person inside and out
Until you find yourself on a drought
And must refuel with toxin spouts
Then for days we argue and see no light at the end
when just before this bend we lay hand in hand?

How could this be that when love is free
You can mistakenly see
What it is you want to see
Manipulate it whatever way you will
But no substance or pill
Can over spill
Into the void you seek to fill.

…We all have free will

And with this we can do as we wish
Go where we flow, fish were there’s fish
When the pond dries up and communication is spent
And the view of the world is through a narrow vent
There seems to be no strength of force
that can turn this back over onto a working course

When snakes get in and give you a reason
You dive in with out the thought you are committing treason.
For this, is my reason
To view you as weak
Crying out for help as the days pass to weeks

Now weeks into months
Without any hunch there will be a break for lunch...

This is so sad to see.
A really sad place for me to be.

Seeing you like this
Is something I would never wish

...upon any friend of mine.

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Equation

It is not bred of me,

But it was brought to life in me.

  I fear that which I crave,

  I long for that which I will not let myself have.

This no longer saddens me,

For it is just what it is,

A part of me,

A trial,

A test,

My life will go on,

In spite of this.

All great thing come in due time,

With overflowing reward,

This has been my lesson,

And these words my equation,

To the answer;

You can't force life to your will,

Just enjoy the ride it takes you on.

No matter what you are destined for,

You will set that path,

That path which is best...

Not for others.

For only yourself,

And in the end,

'If you like or love the person you are,

Then you can't regret the past,

But you can most certainly hate it.'

Update IV

For those of you who are unaware, I am currently in the process of moving, so with having to pack, co-ordinate moving day, and getting everything set up (ie. electricity, water, cable, internet, etc) I have been really busy. Not to mention over the last 2 weeks we had a slight problem with the bank that's giving us our mortgage (the same bank I have been with for at least the last decade) re-calculating my gross annual income wrong by $700 and then 'requesting' a bunch of tax related items I had already packed just to have them realize I'm a client of theirs and them pretty much saying, "Our bad, forget about it". Taking all of that into account I'm here to say I haven't had time to write lately, so I am writing this to let you know that my poem coming up on this coming Monday will be my last one for the next little while. At least until I get settled in. I will most likely do some updates about us settling in (to be honest, I kind of wish I had been doing that since we first started looking) and just the whole process of getting moved in and situated in a new home and area.

None of this will affect the updates of Adrienne Allmen's poems every second Thursday, these will continue on as usual. Thank you for all the support and I hope to be back updating regularly soon. If for any reason you want to contact me email me at: guitarist06@msn.com.

Head-Spun - Adrienne Allmen

The room is spinning and
no one’s winning
Figuring the formula to achieve please
Emotions see-sawing in the delicate breeze
No one is winning
With our heads always spinning

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

The Needs of All

  This poem was actually a school assignment from when I was in grade 10 (so a few years ago now). It was the first poem (and last to date) that I had written that had a structured rhyming scheme. Coming from someone who doesn't usually write this style I am really pleased at how it came out and at the risk of sounding like a parent choosing their favourite child, this is one of my tope favourite poems I've written.

 Quick side note: This is in no way a religious poem! I am not religious and especially was not when this poem was written

In time of great strife,
We find ourselves in the need of eternal light.
Until we are done with this life,
We must use all we can to fight.

And if we must use the knife,
Then a new world will be ourrs for the night.
But when the faith of all will fail for all that is right,
A new one will arise and return you to your life.

By their choice alone our future lays,
In their mind the path is set.
All we must do is choose how to spend our days,
Until the day we settle the debt.

Our time is coming, our time is near,
We must not live within our own fears.

In War

The sky is falling,
Or is it just rain?
Every time one of them hits the ground,
It rains hellfire and burns to their bones.
How does it feel?
I hope I never find out,
For this is death, In War.

Simple Truth - Adrienne Allmen

Enjoy each moment
None are better than now
Reach to your depths
Remove your shroud

In life here we are
Amongst the forms
Amongst the fears
Thrown towards the fires
And faced to dodge the spears

That taunt us
Tell us death is real
That survival is not for the weak
That what it is you seek
Lies only in their hands to keep

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Helping Hand

When one has fallen,
The rest walk by,
Never noticing,
The one who is no more,
Memories gone.
Fading into the black depths of death.
No longer thought about,
And no longer remembered.

Everyday we walk our own ways,
Doing our own tasks,
Never offering to lend a hand,
When it is most needed.

You never know,
If leaving a person be,
Could end their lives.

From Within

I feel the music rising to its climax,
My blood begins to flow through my veins faster,
My heart pumps faster with every beat.

The music takes over my emotions,
Over my thoughts.
I am lost in the lyrics,
The melody,
The rhythm,
The song,
I no longer hear the song,
But I now feel it,
Feel the lyrics,
Feel the meaning,
Feel the eternal beat

Without Lust, What Is Love? - Adrienne Allmen

Stark is this night
Heavy is my breathing
Longing lust for you this evening.
Tempted is my temper
Moody is my mind
Captivated always for just your kind.
Under a bridge we sat and starred
Out back in the passage way
Under covers, us, bare.
Then the places we’ve been
Oh! the people who’ve seen!
Outstretched arms -- ready hips…
I dare you. to dare us. to take a dip!

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

A New Meaning

What type of emotion is love?
At times it can be an ecstatic feeling,
Of joy and ahppiness.
At others it can be heartache and sorrow.
Or yet, it can be rage and anger.

Joy,
Depression,
Sadness,
Love is love, an emotion that wields great power upon people.
The real question isn't,
What type of emotion is love?
The question is,
What does it mean to you?

Update III

Just thought I'd give a quick update and let you all know that for anyone out there who prefers to do mobile surfing, blogger has just started a mobile version of the site. It's now easier and more convenient to navigate through the blog, take a look and can't wait to hear your feedback.

Ignorant Fools

In a sea of darkness,
  Broiling with hate.
Your hand emerges grasping,
  Grasping for knowledge,
  Grasping for understanding.
No one heeds you,
Left in the dark to be taken advantage of by your prey;
The Ignorant

All ruling,
Never knowing,
A threat to truth and decency,
The decay of civilization,
The maggots on the ever rotting flesh.
Blank slates for the rulers to form their followers.

Nothing more than mindless drones;
  Leading us to our end.
Drones that only know what the media says;
  Too ignorant to see for themselves
  The full truth
Drones that overpower the few wise left.

Entries & Exists - Adrienne Allmen

Entries and exists
Flames and spouts
Rivers that flow
And dry, desert droughts

I wish upon a star
I wish upon a dream
I wished upon a glimmer of hope
I wished wrongly upon reality

Wherever I go in my heart you will stay
When the moon sets across the ocean’s bay
When the chirps and cheeps and stings of spring do play
In my heart you will stay

We’ll wander, wondering where we are
Without each other--two wandering dimmed stars
The smiles which lit up our faces
Are now only traces of once what they were

With-drawl from hugs, tongues and hands
With-drawl from care and knowing you’re there
To a now empty home on my heart’s land

A single tree will blow for some time
In the storm that shakes the wind
And smiles will return again
Restored by hugs, tongues and hands

But will they be yours
Or another man’s?

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Waste

My days are numbered,
With every minute,
Every step,
Every breathe.
With every passing moment,
Death comes closer,
Preparing to lunge its icy,
Cold,
Dark,
Bony hand,
Into my heart,
Into my soul.

While I take life forgranted,
While I sit here and watch life go by,
I'm wasting my life,
I hide behind myself,
Never doing what I want,
Too afraid of the consequences.

Although I know the consequences of continuing the way of life I live,
To pay the debt that all men pay before the time has come.

A Deeper Look

This is another poem out of my earlier works from years ago. I again hope you enjoy.

What is it all for?

Life?

Happiness?

Fulfillment?

We crave more,

Search for it,

Work for it,

Greed for it,

Kill for it.

Why must something so needed,

Be something so feared and hoarded.

We all have it,

We all always want more.

Horror, thy name is money.

Room With No Furniture - Adrienne Allmen

Spent moments in bed, on a couch and chairs
But once moments spent in a room with not one of these
No furniture at all
Just our starkness there to warm and light the room
A new light shone upon our fate

In the middle,
Nothing concealing this moment of truth,
Aware of the space in which we lay

Poetry wrote itself that night,
Lipstick pages in my book
Drawn images of your body, my thoughts
Verse by verse

You’re an elegant creature, beauty is sublime
Strong and subtle
I step back for this moment to obverse it, raw
The vision I see is a statue in time

The shyness of our emotions blending with the walls and floor

The room became us.

We were the walls, the windows, the doors and floor
The ceiling and sunlight shining through
Bouncing off the edges, brightening dark corners
Softening the room

Softening our gaze
In which we were consumed

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Hidden Beauty

This is a poem I wrote several years ago. This is very indicitive of my the style of writing I began with. I was really wanting to find and post this poem because of this and I think it`s one of my few earlier poems that isn`t really just the angsty ramblings of a little teenaged boy. This is one of the reasons it has taken me so long to do a post, the book with my original poems written in it was packed away and I have been trying to hunt it down. Clearly I have been successful. Please enjoy.

On a high road,

Outside of town I walk.

High upon this mountain road,

I look down into the valley,

Into the city.

A city in the midst of night,

The thousands of lights,

Glimmer,

Shimmer,

Shine,

Illuminate,

All up the other mountain side.

A man-made beauty.

Only some can comprehend it,

Others find it appaling,

But as I stand here,

Looking down and then back up,

Up the other mountain side,

Up through the sky,

Up to the stars,

Up to the moon,

I start to think I am seeing a reflection in a still lake.

Update II

I am very sorry about the lack of updates recently. I have had a lot going on and have been unable to keep up. I will be paying more attention going forward and I will start putting up some new posts starting tomorrow. Again, I am very sorry for being neglectful but I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Jason

(untitled II)

Sit right down, no don't get up,
Just lay there like a hump.
Too much effort it is to stand and jump,
Your talents are lost now to this dump.

Left this world to hide away,
Hidden from view is where you'll stay.
Joy and cleansing you will feign,
Here forever you will lay.

Old and forgotten days fill your mind,
Memories of good times you'll never find.
Waste away here till the end of time,
Wallowing in your filth like common swine.

There's no joy left in this life,
Appear so alone in your mind's strife.
Too lazy to use at the end this knife,
Too weak to tell your loving wife.

Here you sit to stop the pain,
But Hell will bring it all the same.
Unless you fix and straighten like a frame,
You'll be all there is to blame.

In Remembrance

            How can you miss someone you’ve never met? In my personal experience, just as much as someone you have known your entire life and has just recently passed away. This is something that has been plaguing me the last couple of days, spontaneous moments of utter sadness at the memory of my grandfather I never met. Did he abandon us? No. Did he avoid us? Never. Did he pass away before his time? Unfortunately, yes.

            My grandfather, Simon (Sammy), passed away in 1980 at the age of 55, my oldest brother, and my grandfathers first grandchild, was born in 1981. Needless to say, none of his own grandchildren were fortunate enough to have met him, even in our infancy. We had always been told, especially during our childhood, that he would have been such an amazing grandfather to us. Mainly how he would have spoiled us rotten, but each time we were told this it was always followed by, ‘He would have loved you guys so much’, ‘He would have been so proud of you guys’, ‘It’s unfair’, ‘It’s too bad’, or ‘You kids got robbed/cheated’. When we were told this, it was all just words, we couldn’t connect any of what was being said to any actual person so all-in-all it didn’t really affect us, but it’s those little follow-up phrases up there that are what really stuck to me in particular (I can’t really speak for the rest of my family).

            The truth is, we did get robbed, we did get cheated, and we straight up got screwed over! Constantly hearing and seeing other kids, either in person or on TV, talking about their 2 grandfathers saddens and angers me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand some people have it a lot worse (i.e. No grandparents, no parents, no extended family, the list can literally go on for great lengths) and furthermore, I was very fortunate to of had my other grandpa, Maurice, of which I miss greatly and dearly. But I’m talking about someone you’ve never actually met and I knew my Grandpa Maurice for 21 years.

The thing is we were told we missed out on meeting an extraordinary person that we were descended from. Should our parents not have told us? No, to think that is to be grossly misguided. Should we be angry at the people who have been fortunate enough to have been able to know their entire family? No, that’s just plain impractical. Should we be mad at Grandpa Sam, who passed away too soon? No, that’s just fucking retarded.

            That’s the thing, there’s all this anger there, whether we are aware of it or not, but there is no logical place to direct it that isn’t misguided, impractical, or fucking retarded. So what is one to do with it? Well I’ve always said (not sure if I’ve shared it with people, but I’ve always thought it) there is a fine line between anger and depression. All that makes up that fine line is a logical target for your anger. Without that target your anger turns to depression, a sadness that you can’t control.

            Adding to that is a want and a need to know where my family comes from, what roles they played in history, where they were and how involved were they with some of the greatest moments in history. This is a drive that has been ignited in me since I started reading historical fictions a few years ago. It’s hard to get wrapped up in a story based so far in the past and not stop to think, ‘Where and what was my family doing at this time?’

            You see, my Grandpa Sam was pretty much the last extremely-readily available resource for information regarding at least a glimpse in to the beginnings of that for the Habetler name. Without him the search is more difficult. It’s always sad when someone passes especially when you knew them so well and close. I’m here to say, it’s just as hard to have never met someone you are so connected to and have so much to ask, but want to meet them and talk to them more than anything. So don’t take advantage of those important and close in your life, some people would kill to have what you may have.

(untitled I)

(This one is the beginning of a series of poems I'm doing. It's 7 poems in total - at least that's what I have planned, I could possible add 1 or 2 more -  and for the time being all of the poems in this series will be titled (untitled XX). The name is within the poem and once someone correctly guesses the name and eventually the theme of this series I will have a prize for the first person to guess both correctly.)

Lascivious women masquerade,
Tempting all to this day.
Lure you in to make you stay,
Biding their time till you obey.

Undying desire for the body of them,
It's all you think of till the end.
Can't escape your troubled mind or make it bend,
You've allowed to happen what the intend.

Sealed your fate, it's as good as signed,
And to think, you didn't have to spend a dime.
Your thoughts consumed all this time,
By what you thought was very fine.

There is no time to make amends,
For you've lived a life you can't defend.
It's all so simple in the end,
A woman's body controls the mind of men.

The Castle in the Clouds - Adrienne Allmen

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making my world more bearable for me

Up and down the vicious ride went
Down so low into the muddy trench
Below the ground I kept going

I dug myself a hole
I buried my self in
Made it a home
Where I rested

Desperately I am searching
Continuously perching
On a branch too low to see
Through this forest; beyond these trees

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making my world more bearable for me

The mountains are in the distance
They hold truth of my existence
Melodic antiphons they whisper

Up off my perch
I hit the ground, cold

I dig myself a hole
I bury my self in
Make it a home
Where I rest

This is me breaking down
This is me hanging up my crown
Turning the pages that change the scene
Making the world more bearable for me

 

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Cold Dead World

(This one is back to more of my regular writing style, however the one main difference between this and most of my other works is that this has verse, chorus, verse type of structure to it. This is the first time I've tried it. I'm quite proud of it, but I'd really like to hear how you all think I did with it)

I am but a spectre,
A ghost,
A shell of a man,
No life of my own.
I have no say in where I go,
I have no thought of what I do,
Just go about my days,
According to what others say.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.

Even though I'll do what others will ask,
I'll always find time to fill my flask.
Always there to numb the pain,
Have just enough and it will keep me tame,
Add a little more and it warms the soul,
Just like a hearth burning through coal.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.

Push all others in my life away,
Just to save them from feeling my pain.
Intended to help them heal and mend,
It causes more hurt to them instead.
Lash back out at me, they don't understand,
My mouth and mind cannot obey their demands.
All that knows this way that I feel,
Are this book, this cigarette, and this whiskey that burns.

For I am caught inbetween,
A world so cold,
And a world so dead,
Trapped so far that it would seem,
A rock and a hard place would make,
For a life serene.

Sympathetic - Seether

As you can see, this isn't an original by me. These are song lyrics from a band called Seether, it's actually a song I don't particularily enjoy that much, in my opinion it doesn't match the rest of the album and is a bit of a let down. That's all beside the point because I actually enjoy the lyrics and the meaning behind them and that's why I'm posting them here.

The story behind the lyrics goes that when Shaun (Morgan; front man) was a child his dad would take him to the cemetary. Everytime Shaun went to the cemetary he would see all these tombstones and grave markers of people that all that's left of their legacy now is a name and date on a piece of stone. It's this knowledge and constant reminder that led him - and dare I say most, if not all, artists - to follow this drive to create lasting impressions on this world, just so they have something that can and will live on past us. That's why I created this blog and that's why I've decided to be a musician, poet, and aspiring novelist (more on that later). These lyrics should speak to everyone and hopefully light a fire to do something that will reach on past the grave and touch and help people till the end of time.


And my words will be here when I’m gone
As I’m fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober,
but I can’t seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober
(I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it go away)

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m falling, falling, falling,
falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam.

Sick Day

(This one is a little more on the lighter side, I wrote a few of the lines and it just flowed out. The style isn't what I would usually do, but I'm really happy with how this one has turned out. So please enjoy)

Lay me down I need to sleep,
I am so tired I'm feeling beat,
Yet my day's work is not yet done,
My entire body is feeling numb.
Clock out early, who gives a fuck?
Either way tomorrow's gonna suck.
Driving home I buy some beer,
Now it's time to make them disappear.
Turn on the TV and pass right out,
This day is over, have no doubt.

It feels like hours till I must arise,
But the goddamn sun is in my eyes.
Sometime during my peaceful sleep,
I suppose my alarm must have beeped.
Ah hell, fuck that noise and fuck that shit,
If I could I'd fucking quit.
Close my eyes and slip back in,
After all, it's no mortal sin.
I'm taking this day back for me,
Just wish I didn't have to pee.

Thoughts - Adrienne Allmen

My thoughts are scattered across the world
To the horizon and back again
My love is bursting me down the side
Splitting me in half, my body opened wide

My memories go from gold to black
My heart from this to that
My conscious is both good and ill
The way in which I see myself if awfully pain-filled

Distorted and grotesque
The thumping of my breast
Cased within is my heart d’eased
Ripped open wide for all to see

The gremlin and the scoundrel work
Together plotting and planning this book
In which my life goes merely array
While the subfusc of litter and rain decay

My soul which has been so plum
So full of joy during my short run
But the last that’s on my super tray
Is a morsel more of hearty dismay

The beggar and the user quarrel for their rights
While dining under the alley ways’ light
For this is the state of the world that was once fair?
Once blossoming with beauty love and care?

I see now the torment the horror and the lies
I see the world diminishing with all the incestuous flies
I see the earth on which there was new growth
Now a colossal sphere of worms decidedly gross

Wriggling and waning, dividing and invading each others nest of dirt
This life they’re captive of; reincarnations of the goodness they weren’t

To have faith is to dream To be hopeful is a blunder
Do I stand patiently in this pouring rain and just wait for my thunder?
I wonder
If this is the route that sows my seeds
Gives me the grace I need
The path that will eventually lead
To a blessing in disguise
A present for this ride
That I have endured
Will I be cured?
From the pangs I take with me everywhere
From the rain clouds that shower on my every care?
Will I get there?

By Adrienne Allmen : New Classic Beauty : http://www.newclassicbeauty.com/

Two Worlds

Caught between these two worlds,
Sentenced for life to live in both.
Happiness, joy, content, and bliss await the first,
While anger, bitterness, contempt, and rage shroud the second.
Once set forth on this path,
There is no turning back,
Ever onward toward the all consuming black,
What small glimpses caught of the world of joy,
Growing smaller in the mirror devoid,
Only remind of a world now dead,
Small joy is brought by that fleeting sight,
Ever less as it shrinks behind,
Till the end of days,
All will be filled with hate.

Update

As some of you may know I have decided to start writing a novel. I don't want to disclose too much about the details of the book because that would defeat the purpose of reading it...and I also don't exactly know all the details of it. I will be starting another blog that is dedicated to that project where I will post completed portions for critiquing and suggestions. When I start posting on that blog I`ll update again here letting you know and provide a link and the URL.

Writing a novel has been something I`ve wanted to do for at least 10 years, most likely more. Every time I tried it when I was younger it would just be a rushed short story with not much to it. Since then I have been reading a lot of other books and feel I have a better grasp of writing and have actually started writing the prologue to the story. So I`ll keep you up to date on that and once that blog goes live with material I'll be advertising it to death.

For the second half of the update I would like to inform you that starting next Thursday I will begin to post poems by Adrienne Smith from New Classic Beauty every second week. She's a very talented poet, actress, model, artist, all around a very talented person when it comes to the arts. I'm really looking forward to it. Just a reminder that I am still looking for additional writers to contribute to this blog with their own original works. If you want to post something other than poetry we can figure something out.

Open Windows - Jillian Colleen

(This is a poem that was written for me by an aquaintance. The authors name is Jillian Colleen, and since she wrote it I have lost contact with her. So unfortunately I cannot obtain written permission or even give her proper credit. If someone knows her please let me know so I can give her proper acknowledgement on here. One last thing, I have posted this as near as un-edited as I could. I only placed each line on separate lines and added capitals. Other than that everything else is original. Please enjoy.)

The record player skips

Redundant repetition – 

Cruel words and slamming doors

He doesn’t want her to leave

She will not beg him to stay

Stolen kisses turned to time wasted

As he wipes away her tears

Rain splashes on the pavement

Another ‘goodbye’, keys left in the lock

Empty closets

Returned mail

Nothing left to mourn

New neighborhood; new life

In a coffee shop he sips hot brew

Pencil in hand; foot tapping out the beat 

1 and 2 and 3 and...

‘Bloody hell’

‘Excuse me’

Hot coffee and shy eyes interrupt his memories

She collects her wit; ‘sorry - that’ll leave a mark’

He loses his; ‘it already has’ 

So it begins

Earthquake in Japan

There has been a lot of talk about the earthquake that devastated Japan. I have not been wanting to comment on it because although I feel horrible about what happened and I am saddened for all that everyone has had to go through since the earthquake, I felt that anything I would say would be useless and just overlooked.

This has been going through my head ever since, until I got an email from my boss with a link to ABC News with aerial before and after pictures of areas effected by the earthquake. In some, entire landscapes are changed, in others, entire villages are wiped out. (If going to the link above on the photos move your cursor from right to left to see the picture change from before to after). I spent a good half-hour looking at these pictures and looking at the changes and thinking of how that changed the people. How did they deal with that? How prepared were they?

This kind of thing TERRIFIES me! Why? Why wouldn't it? I live in Vancouver, we're expected to either have our own earthquake or share in on the predicted 9.0 earthquake slated to hit California and it's supposed to hit anytime between right now to as far as 200 years from now. Not to mention what could happen if they don't prepare our structures and infrastructures to withstand a quake in time.

All this combined with the pictures of Japan made me think, "How am I going to deal with this? Am I prepared? How would that change ME? Even more so, forget me, what about me family, friends, or even my dog? So take this as a time to step back as a reminder to be prepared for this yourself, have a plan for you and your friends and family so you can all contact each other or meet up so you don't have to go days or weeks wondering what's happened to them.

Look at those pictures and think of that as your hometown, put yourself in their position. After all, you never know when you will be.

The Misanthrope

Battle hardened before first fight,
Because all was lost within your sight.
Ripped and torn by all around,
While you watched feebly alone.
Bitter and sour through and through,
You raise up arms against the throne.

Now comes the time to make it right,
Here's your chance, but you walk on past.
Beaten before they make the wall,
You sulk on back to your crumbling hall.
Calls of protest,
Voice of reason,
All question,
Your lack of treason.

"My life and love,
And love of life have been taken,
This is true.
But it's not within my heart to run them through.
Instead I'll let the powers rain down hell,
And give those Bastards their just dues."
So a Misanthrope becomes of you.

As you sit back and enjoy their coming doom,
Laugh and hate is all you do.
They seek your sympathy for their plight,
A call for which they have no right.
No questioning eyes fall on you,
For you played no hand in their fall.
Just see your vengenance,
Fuck them all.

As the ones above rain down hell,
All will be lost within their sight.
Ripped and torn by those with might,
They will watch, filled with fright.
As events set askew are set to right,
While the fires are burning ever bright.

As they enter their eternal night,
Those once so strong sulk away,
As sweet justice sings the ringing bell.

Inner Demons

Deep within these blood-shot eyes,
Is a world you can't surmise.
Wrought with hatred,
Filled with grief,
Unchecked malice fill this savage place.
All who enter are so loathed,
Trying to find shelter when they have no home.
Only those who embrace the clod hard stone,
Have the courage to tame the beast,
For they've entered a world they know,
Oh so well.
They leave congruent footprints in the mud,
And lead each other to this world,
Where they share all the same common chords.
They become a part of this world,
Using it to protect their souls.

Slowly,
One-by-one,
They will find their home,
In this hell,
In this cold and hard,
Dark and lonely,
Savage place.

Voices

Everytime I look at you,
I see what I won't do,
It's just another fallacy,
You're mindless salvation.

Killing things inside of me,
I can see it's imaginary,
A futile attempt,
In the wrong direction.

So now won't you listen to me,
I promise it's incendiary,
You don't control me,
I am the one with a voice.

Beating down on you,
Is the one truth,
For we are the people,
Standing up to you.

Now hear us,
Now fear us,
For this is intended for you.

We're fucking sick of this,
We don't give a shit,
For what the fuck happens to you.

(edit: at this point in time I don't feel this one is complete so there is a good chance I'll be coming back to this one to add on to and make some changes. I'll let you know if and when I do)

Neverending

This everlasting pain in me,
It's nothing real, my life it steals.
Over and over I search my head,
Just to have it visit again.
These drugs and pills may numb my mind,
But it's never enough to kill it dead.
If this is the story of my life,
I'll end it now,
To end this strife.

My Gift to Me

Here I sit broken hearted and shattered bone,
Forever lost within this endless tome.
My hopes and dreams are out of place,
To drift between this scattered space.
My heart and soul forever lost in this hell,
It gives me forever torment from this spell.
I smoke this cigarette so it burns,
It breeds its death inside of me.
I give life to what's not right,
Its one and only gift to me.

Simple Little Polished Life

Shallow graves line these empty streets,
Simply because their hearts don't beat.
The living no longer walk this way,
For when they do their lives are judged.
Deepest secrets revealed in full,
No longer can you hide behind your polished looks.
So come near me and lay back down,
For this final hole is for the last ones found.
There is no hope, you threw it away,
Simply because you chose...
Chose to fuck,
Fuck the rules,
Fuck the laws,
Fuck all others in your path.
Because your heart's as cold as stone,
You don't care for others as they care for you.
Mow them down, your path is true,
Until your path comes full circle through,
And your cold heart,
Can't beat to life,
Your simple little,
Polished Life.